Letters To Friends

Letters To Friends

Yo what up Queen of Peace Middle School!!!

It’s your boy Jeremy Peanut Butter, the only 6th grader on the block with a trampoline and a basketball hoop, so you know I be dunkin’ at the height of 4’11 son.

Today I’m talkin’ about lunch. Or as I like to call it… Cruuuunch.

Today the cafeteria is scheduled to serve spaghetti meatloaf with corn bread. Cool. What the fuck is that? I mean did you just slam 3 three boring ass meals together and hope that the slow kids are gonna eat it? And you know I be talking about REGGIE, the slowest kid in my gym class. His dumb dookie breathed, cheese puff ass ran the mile in 12 minutes. Yo WTF! What’d you do Reggie, run the mile on your butt?

Hey cafeteria! Here’s a hint… Burrito day, everyday… YA DOY!

I can’t get no ladies with my breath smelling like meatloaf ass. That’s why I had my momz pack me a dope ass lunch this morning. Whoa. But hands off ladies, I already promised my new boo SANDY that she can share my string cheese and oatmeal pie with me by the swings after touch football practice. Plus you haterz out there already knows I like to be sipping my Kool-Aid Jammer with 2 straws! Ohhh shit. I’m Tony Saprano baby.

Yo! Here’s some tips on how to be cool.

-Get an older brother.
-Buy a football jacket.
-Don’t talk in class.
-Wear some big ass shoes.
-Start drawing $$$ everywhere.
-And get a LONG BOARD SON!!!

Everybody’s cruising long boards these days, Tim, Danny, Dougie got one, even that asian dude named tic tack from Mrs. Martinelli’s class is riding one of those bad dawgs these days. Hell, my uncle had one, but he ended up falling off it trying to impress an old lady, so now he’s got 2 metal hips and balls and the tough guys at his office call him Robocock and fuck face.

Yo! Here’s my #1 restaurant of all time.

Johnny Rockets SON!!!

I swear to Ghandi yo, this place is RAW. It’s just like that burger joint in Back To the Future 2. And don’t get me started on that movie dude. So fuggin’ good. My ultimate dream job is to be Griff.

Everyone’s gotta go right now, except for Todd Banger. Todd, dude. Everyone knows you’re pickin’ that nose behind your Lit book dawg. We can hear you chewing.

This place has it all man. Bright colors, cool music, paper hats, cheese on top of chili on top of fries, man burgers, and shakes, with 2 straws! SANDY!! I think I’m gonna have my birthday party there, the theme is cake. So I better not catch yo ass wit no cake in that hand son. Or I’ll make you my grandson. Too legit. Too legit to quit, duh duh dun.

That’s all for this week y’all. Next week I’mma be talking about Pineapples and how they can hide your boners on the bus.

-$$$Jeremy$$$