Warning: ksort() expects parameter 1 to be array, object given in /home/content/47/8979247/html/killallcomedy/wp-content/plugins/bbpress/includes/core/template-functions.php on line 316

Warning: session_start() [function.session-start]: Cannot send session cookie - headers already sent by (output started at /home/content/47/8979247/html/killallcomedy/wp-content/plugins/bbpress/includes/core/template-functions.php:316) in /home/content/47/8979247/html/killallcomedy/wp-content/plugins/wp-online-store/core.php on line 192

Warning: session_start() [function.session-start]: Cannot send session cache limiter - headers already sent (output started at /home/content/47/8979247/html/killallcomedy/wp-content/plugins/bbpress/includes/core/template-functions.php:316) in /home/content/47/8979247/html/killallcomedy/wp-content/plugins/wp-online-store/core.php on line 192

Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /home/content/47/8979247/html/killallcomedy/wp-content/plugins/bbpress/includes/core/template-functions.php:316) in /home/content/47/8979247/html/killallcomedy/wp-includes/feed-rss2.php on line 8
Stef Chef – KILL ALL COMEDY http://killallcomedy.com Sun, 26 Mar 2017 07:01:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.9 Stef Chef – KILL ALL COMEDY Stef Chef – KILL ALL COMEDY http://killallcomedy.com/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://killallcomedy.com Carla Plates – Lawyer! http://killallcomedy.com/carla-plates-lawyer/ Mon, 11 Aug 2014 19:35:33 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=3184

]]>
FRIENDS: The One Where Ross and Monica Are Siblings http://killallcomedy.com/friends-the-one-where-ross-and-monica-are-siblings/ Sun, 25 May 2014 01:35:03 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=3161 Hey guys, here is a cool epi of Friends what I wrote.  If anyone knows these Friends guys, give them my email address – crocodilehunter2@crocodilehunterthemovie.com

Okay, open on Cafe.  Joey and Rachel are drinking lattes when Ross enters.  He looks disheveled and distraught.

JOEY: Hey Ross.

ROSS: Oh no, I think I did something bad.  I think I slept with Monica.  Monica is my sister and a member of our group of friends.  I slept with her oh no.

RACHEL: Nag nag nag

ROSS: Shut up, Rachel.  Did you hear what I said?  I smushed my naughty parts with my blood related sister.  Her name is Monica and you live with her in New York City.

RACHEL: Oh yes, I know Monica.  Ew your sister!  You know what that means.

ROSS: What?

JOEY: We all sleep with Monica?

[Audience laughs]

RACHEL:  No, Joey.  It means that you have to kill yourself.

ROSS: What?  Me?  I have to kill myself?

RACHEL: Yes, of shame.

JOEY: Can we watch?

[Audience laughs]

ROSS: Yes, you can watch.  [looks out to audience]  You all will watch.  Let me get this gun–

THE END

]]>
Kill All Comedy Mixtape 4 http://killallcomedy.com/kill-all-comedy-mixtape-4/ Thu, 08 May 2014 17:28:33 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=3148

]]>
Kill All Comedy at The Hideout http://killallcomedy.com/kill-all-comedy-at-the-hideout/ Mon, 22 Jul 2013 13:00:36 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2517 hideoutaug232013tiger

]]>
Get a FREE Lorraine DuPage Cassingle!!! http://killallcomedy.com/get-a-free-lorraine-dupage-cassingle/ Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:00:38 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2434 Check out the cassingle for my new character, “Lorraine DuPage, the elderly lady who leaves answering machine messages on her daughter’s home phone.”  This character is taking the nation by storm (just like Lorraine DuPage is taking her daughter’s answering machine by storm…give it a rest, Lorraine!) and now you can have the FREE CASSETTE SINGLE, Lorraine’s very first publicly released material.

With the thrilling A-side “I Wasn’t Invited To My Neighbor’s Birthday Party” and the experimental but poppy B-side “I Bought a Dog But I Already Lost It,” Lorraine is set to be the summer of 2013’s reigning queen of the charts.

Made of clear red plastic and 3 minutes long on each side, there are only 24 cassettes available, so claim yours quickly!

Email lorrainedupage@yahoo.com to claim your FREE cassette single, and come pick it up at the July 3rd Kill All Comedy show at the Upstairs Gallery, or tell me where to drop it off or mail it.

It helps if you have a cassette tape player so you can listen to it.

This is a very serious deal, and it is very real.  This will NOT have an online release and bootlegging the audio from cassette to digital format is EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN and VERY ILLEGAL.  Violators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law as soon as I can find money to hire lawyers.

lorrainedupagesingle1

]]>
The Best of Kill All Comedy at The Hideout http://killallcomedy.com/the-best-of-kill-all-comedy-at-the-hideout/ Wed, 19 Jun 2013 19:58:13 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2345

]]>
KAC in Just for Laughs http://killallcomedy.com/kac-in-just-for-laughs/ Fri, 17 May 2013 17:07:03 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2182 Hey everyone,

We’re proud to announce that KILL ALL COMEDY will be performing in the Just for Laughs Festival in Chicago.

The show is on Saturday, June 15, at Stage 773 at 8:30pm.

Here is the show page.

BUY TICKETS HERE

The show is gonna be insane.  I can’t say much more yet except that it will be spooooookyyyyy.

]]>
HOLY FUCK IN NYC http://killallcomedy.com/holy-fuck-in-nyc/ Tue, 19 Mar 2013 22:05:35 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=1979 holyfucknewyork

]]>
my body has betrayed me http://killallcomedy.com/my-body-has-betrayed-me/ http://killallcomedy.com/my-body-has-betrayed-me/#comments Mon, 18 Feb 2013 16:22:44 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=1886 hi, i’m 89 years old, and as of now i am still alive.  my mind is sharp as ever.  and i can’t use it because i lay here on the floor of the bathroom where i fell 3 days ago.  i’ve been staying hydrated by scooping water out of the toilet and drinking it.  i tried calling for help, but i live alone in a large house and i’m soft spoken to begin with.  i know that no one is coming, and that’s okay.

for christmas, my grandkid got me an ipod and my other grandkid got me some speakers.  i put on the who’s “won’t get fooled again” to serenade me while i took an old person shit (old folks know what i’m talkin bout!).  unfortunately, i put it as the only song on a playlist.  it’s been playing on a loop for 3 days.  i used to like this song.  sometimes i would even watch csi: miami if only to hear the theme song and also to see that sexy mexican fella who’s friends with that irish fella.  i even saw the who live at the kingdome in seattle in 1982.  they played this song and i did some mushies.  i had a great time.

now i wish to walk again.  not so i don’t die in this bathroom, not so that i can go see my grandkids again, but so that i can hunt pete townshend down and murder him with my own hands, somehow finding the strength to rip apart an organ and smash it on his head, hands, and feet over and over.

i don’t know where he lives.  i assume in outer space, what with all the drugs he took (you can’t see, but i just used my little remaining strength to high-five myself).  but in all seriousness, i would guess england.  i don’t know how i would find a way to rip an organ apart.  i suppose i would have to spend a year or so preparing by lifting weights and doing boxing lessons, like that italian fella from that movie rocky.  then i would probably have to find a few organs to practice ripping them apart.  i wouldn’t want to embarrass myself in front of pete by not being able to rip an organ apart with brute strength in order to crush him with it.  then i would sell my apple 2 computer to a young idiot, pool together my tiny social security checks, stop buying food for a month, and then buy a plane ticket on delta airlines to england in order to find this pete townshend.

but, alas, i will not.  i will not do any of this.

i quit drinking toilet water 24 hours ago.  it’s time for me to let go.  i can feel myself getting weak from the dehydration.  i wish i could spend my remaining hours thinking about my grandkids and my 2 out of 3 kids of my own i still like.  but i can’t hear my own thoughts over this goddamn song.  so here i am, dying angry.  goodbye, cruel world.  yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEPSruBdSqk&w=560&h=315]

 

sent from my iPad, oh wait maybe should i email someone?  get…ting…weak…can’t…type…any…more……………….kjadfiqwpoeijfaklsjfkl;jsksaj

]]>
http://killallcomedy.com/my-body-has-betrayed-me/feed/ 2
Kill All Comedy House Party Show http://killallcomedy.com/kachouseparty/ Mon, 28 Jan 2013 17:12:19 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=1652 kachouseparty

John’s parents are out of town and it’s time to party.  The show will be Saturday, February 9, at 10pm with partying before and after.  All of this is at John/Gary/Lee/Carmen’s house (3823 N. Clark #1).  Those to perform include:

John Reynolds + Steph Cook + Gary Richardson + Joey Dundale + Scott Nelson + Sarah Ashley + Michael Klasek + Brian McGovern + Christina Boucher + Lee Barats + Matt Barats + Jared Jeffries + Carmen Christopher + Morgan Lord + Anthony Oberbeck + Devin Bockrath + Michael Brunlieb + Andrew Tisher

]]>