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annie – KILL ALL COMEDY http://killallcomedy.com Sun, 26 Mar 2017 07:01:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.9 annie – KILL ALL COMEDY annie – KILL ALL COMEDY http://killallcomedy.com/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://killallcomedy.com A short story http://killallcomedy.com/a-short-story/ Thu, 05 Jun 2014 21:33:33 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=3164 A man and a woman met through mutual friends.  The moment he saw her he wanted to suck her tits dry and fuck her brains out. A couple of weeks went by before they were in the same room again; a birthday party for so-and-so. The woman did not talk to him but she did notice his eyes following her every move that night. She tried not to give this man another thought but it was clear he was interested.  At one point, he looked at her like he wanted to fuck her (which he did). That made her feel weird so she frowned a little bit to punish him. It was time for so-and-so to blow out the candles but the woman suddenly found herself wondering what the man’s butt would look like pumping into her puss puss. She thought it was OK.  She imagined being married to the man, looking into his eyes and feeling proud.  At this point she didn’t care too much whether this was going to happen or not, but she decided to go ahead and throw her best game at him.  The woman did indeed put on her best game and the man reacted to her liking.  She thought it was incredible that he caught on so quickly.She could tell he was a good boy and that he really wanted to nail her.  She was getting in the mood now too…

They dated for many years.  Life was better when the other was around.  Even though he knew her inside and out, the man was still nervous as fuck when it came time to propose marriage to her.  She said yes and he knew that it was an opportunity for him to become the man he was destined to become.

They wed and waited a bit before having two children: a boy and a girl.  The woman and man worked their asses off to keep the damn kids happy and fed. Mostly just fed. On the whole, life was pretty good for the family. The boy didn’t do well in school but was charismatic. The young girl excelled in music but no one, besides a kind elderly neighbor, encouraged her to keep up with the work. She began to smoke pot with assholes behind restaurant dumpsters. They didn’t have to say it to one another, but the boy and girl loved and respected the hell out one another.

One day, the boy decided to goof off extra hard and be a grand old punk in front of his friends at a birthday party for so-and-so. He drank a fuck load of beer from a keg. Suddenly he realized that everyone at the party was a huge douche-bag so he got into his car and took it for a drive.

It was the kind, elderly neighbor who was the first to come running out of her home into the cul-de-sac that night.  She had been woken up by the devastating screams coming from the man and woman’s home. They had just found out that the boy crashed into a cement barrier going 90mph and was dead upon impact.

After that, life was not the same for the woman and the man. What was left of their relationship with their daughter they neglected to maintain. The girl left, married young, and has a family of her own.

As for the man and woman, they tried to pick up the pieces and move on.  It was hard but they at least had each other.  As the woman aged, she grew an affinity for sweet things like fig cookies and white wine. Her ass grew wider than the Nile. The man barely ate.  At some point he had grown sick of watching people eat so he would take his dinner of salty chips on the way home from work. The nice, elderly neighbor said that the man would stay up all night in the garage watching TV. She knew this because she saw him in there once with all the lights on at 3am.

The man’s mother (and only living parent) was now very old and suffering from dementia.  The man could not afford to check her into a decent hospice. After agonizing over his options for a week, he decided to call his older brother whom he hadn’t seen since the boy’s funeral. The brother agreed to foot the hospice bill and told him it would be nice to see him sometime. The man hung up the phone and felt incredible. It has been a while since he got what he wanted. Upon seeing the look of relief on her husband’s face, the woman became aroused. She realized that the man had become what she imagined he could have become all those years ago.  Yes of course the man was unhappy-she knew that. But instead of taking it out on other people, he kept quietly to himself. The man never complained in that way. He still told her he loved her; that she was beautiful. Despite all their hardships, he never stopped being himself.

The woman decided to pinch her pennies to get him the ultimate gift. Five months later she placed a blank check in his hand and told him to go out and get whatever it is that he wanted.  Before he could ask questions she told him that they have the money and to get the fuck out of her face for the day. About 3 hours later he pulled into the driveway in a 2014 Chevy Camero – midnight blue. Upon seeing the smile on her old husband’s face, the woman pulled the man inside, dropped her elastic-waist jeans, and fucked him dry.  That night the man slept in his car but the woman didn’t mind a fucking bit. It was nice not to be next to him for a change.

In the morning he went back into the house and cooked her breakfast.  He silently cried as he looked into her haggardly face. He told her that from the first moment he laid eyes on her, he wanted to suck her tits dry and fuck her brains out. “Bill” she said, “I’ve been married to you for 38 years and gave birth to two kids. From the looks of it, you got what you wanted.”

That was the happiest day of his life.

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P;leas Help http://killallcomedy.com/pleas-help/ Thu, 01 May 2014 21:26:16 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=3131 Please.

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An Urgent Reply is Needed http://killallcomedy.com/an-urgent-reply-is-needed/ Tue, 07 Jan 2014 19:28:54 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=3000 WC1

 

Good day
Private message to you,

As you read the mail, you should sympatize with my current situation and assistnt me .  My name is Webecca Carmel  I was narrowly escaped from the tsunami disaster which affected my spinal cord and also my ear drum and claim the lifes of my entire family, husband (Denis caromel) and two sons (Ugugo and ToMay-May careolmel) who went for holidays in Sri-Lanka!.!

Right now I  in Kuala LamPOOR Malaysha.  I was disabled by the catastrophe and now on a wheel cheer . I am now resorted to a pile of bones that do not work. my skin is wretched and itches , and to top it of I cannot heare the cry of my children but I know they do.

Sadly I have no pictures left of my sons only my memories. I try to draw them but my paralysis truly disrupts my artistry

 

boys     The boys at school?

 

I have not lived my life so well. my interest and focus was only on my late fathers business though my father is very rich and very never generous. But now I regret all this,.The THE BIBLE SAYS WHA SHALL IT PROFIT A MAN TO WINE THE WORLD AND LOOSE HIS SOUL. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world  as a domestic cat I will live my life a different way from how I have lived before.?>  now I  give to charity and give succor and comfort to the less privileged in our societies.

My helth is so sad you should see the way I look now. that this is why am soliciting your assistant to make this dough through you. The last of my late fathers money that am willing to donate to the less privileged right now of $10.6M USD that is concealed in a consignment  for safekeeping which he intends to invest on profitable factory (whale hunt)

If you are willing and ready to assist with this project,please e-mail me at isabecaromel900@.com without delay, while I wait to hear from you.Thanks once again for your kindness may God guide and reward you in all your endeavors as you make me realize my last dreams and wishes?

Pls?

Remain blessed art thuo,
Mrs.Webessa Caromezel

 

WC2

 

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Dancing with the Stars – “Are you ready for some Dancing?” http://killallcomedy.com/dancing-with-the-stars-are-you-ready-for-some-dancing/ Mon, 07 Oct 2013 16:24:04 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2868

I’m sick of hearing men on TV and men on the radio! I’ve taken charge of my living room AND my life! I’ve flipped the script on “Are you Ready for Some Football” and changed it to something that all the LADIES can get behind! If you LOVE Dancing with the stars and drinking a splash 😉 of wine, and HATE when your husband and all his “friends” watch FOOTBALL then SOUND OFF. I want to hear from you! Comment on the video and let’s get this conversation started and let’s get this PARTY STARTED!
I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO ANY FOOTBALL OR DWTS FOOTAGE PLZ DON’T REPORT

-Rock n’ Roll Bev

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NEW ITEM!!!! NEW ITEM ARRIVAL!!! CHOPPER GLASSES! WEST COAST LOOK!!!! http://killallcomedy.com/new-item-new-item-arrival-chopper-glasses-west-coast-look/ Mon, 16 Sep 2013 18:45:01 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2761 spr9
Item condition:New with tags
Time left: 4h 6m 59s
 Starting bid:
US $8.99
[ 0 bid ]chopper-x2-sunglasses-yellow-4

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Price: US $11.69
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 DG EYEWARE CHOPPER SUNGLASSES
 chopper
If you’re a hard-working American who is sick of garbage sunglasses, these glasses are for you. Protection against any harmful UV rays and chemicals used in chemical warfare.  Don’t let any mongrel take away your god-given right to sight. These babies are also armageddon-tested and approved. Worn by ben afflick in armageddon.  24/7 eye protection against all things under the middle eastern sun.

Choppers Night Vision Yellow Lens—Protect against Y2K!

 

jessie-james-yellow-sunglasses  casualDG EYEWARE

 

  • Chopper style provides comfort  on your hog
  • Yellow colored UV protection lens. Can’t bust ‘em
  • The sides have Choppers written on it, baby
  • Designer stylings at budget prices. I can’t go lower if I tried!!!!
  • Sick frames. Period.
  • Measures 5 and 1/2 inch’s from temple to temple.
  • Be sure to check out  all the different styles and colors in my Ebay store.

Should you have any issues with your purchase. Please email me before placing feedback. I have excellent customer service. I will do everything for you.

DG Eyewear is a registered trademark and not affiliated with the Italian D & G brand. These sunglasses are not the designer D&G sunglasses made in Italy.

ebay-turbo-lister

 

:: ABOUT MY STORE ::

About 10 years ago I purchased my first computer originally for business reasons. At this time I sold new and used cars for a living. Like most people learning the computer was slow going. I almost immediately found out how to gamble online and I got hooked in chat forums. I spent hours online and it ruined my life.  I spent my honeymoon at the hotel chatting to 30 somethings who posed as my friend-turned out they scammed me for every last dime I owned and my wife left me the next month.  One good thing about the internet was that I came across eBay’s auction site. I purchased two or three items through eBay and right then I was fukkin hooked. My older brother was selling sunglasses and other NASCAR items out of the garage. He gave me a few different styles of sunglasses to list on eBay. The first 6 months my sales were kind of slow. I sold two pairs but one was returned from some 10 y/o buyer who tried to tell me he never wore the glasses and they came to him broken. Im not stupid and I could see the fingerprints on the glasses and paint chipped away. O well you have to spend money to make money my brother sed and so I lost that pair down the garbage. I was so pissed but The longer your in business, The better you become. After spending every last penny I owned, I made two small changes: trust no one and learn to type 135 wpm. From that point on, My sales nearly doubled. I decided to retire from car sales and go full time with eBay. The freedom is second to none.

The automobile business has shown me how important customer satisfaction is. You are to treat every customer as you want to be treated yourself. I ship within 24 hours of receiving your payment. If your item arrives broken or defective, You will receive a full refund Including shipping and handling charges. No bullshit. If you find a different deal that is too good to be true, it probably is. People are waiting to scam you online and will stop at nothing to destroy the life you made for yourself. You animals know who you are-scum of the earth. If you are tired of this, these glasses are for you. Visit my store for more deals on chopper gear and hog swag.

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THANK YOU FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Chicago Magazine named us Best Emerging Comedy Troupe of 2013 http://killallcomedy.com/chicago-magazine-best-of-2013/ Thu, 12 Sep 2013 18:52:26 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2746 Neat huh? Here’s a pictures of us all having picture fun at their cool highrollers party they invited us to. They had a car… inside! Top of the world!

Read all about it!

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LAST STTRAW for help! http://killallcomedy.com/last-sttraw-for-help/ Fri, 30 Aug 2013 18:16:46 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2642 Sire,

HelloThis message will come a shock to you for we not met befor this.  BUT I TELL YOU THIS if you have any humanity dignity you shall contenue to read!

my life has been one hell afetr another. Once my ded husbands brother left with all of my widow, money.  thelast I hear he is living a life and giving money to sins in asia.  Now I sadly sit downtrodden and I can no longer stand the sight of mine children. ? to me they eat me out of hell and home. Very needy vile beasts but really they are gjust looking for a good life they are

so I must result in giving them to anyone.

\It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, having known the
truth, I had no choice than to do what is lawful and just in the sight
of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God

PLEASE have you interest in my babies..I bet you will love to have my babies..i am surprise that the whole world has turned on me. Not even a fear of God anymore  what a shame. >Well I am actually among the people that wakes up in the morning and pray to God to change the the evils for better because Hell is hotter than Sun.1!!

Really there are some many crooks going on out there!!..but i want you to know that my babys are availablely for you,also am very excited to let my babies join your home because you really so sound so caring to me and i can see it in mine own eyes that you can`t wait to have my beastss in your home..So go get back to me with your full name and home address with the nearest airport to your home so that i can send it to the shipping agent will ship all them babies to you..we shall work out their fee upon arrival. Right now it is all too important to take them off mny hand for my mind wnaders//even now! Also do make sure you take good care of my babies as soon as yoou received. …especialliy littlest Danny the beauty.

.So let me know which one you shall keept and then send the rest back. Know that if you can keep the m all, this is truly what is best. For if some of the mutts return they will surely meet deth.

 

GOD Thanks and God bless you.
Awaiting for your mail asap as I grow angryer

 

 

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God I beg help!!> http://killallcomedy.com/god-i-beg-help/ Tue, 13 Aug 2013 21:29:37 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2569 Dearest

that this masage will come as a suprise to you but after much consideration i decided to contact you,!!!!!  before we proceed, i don’t know if i have introdufed  to you, I am Kingsley Adomi citizen of world>.

I am not safe and SEEK YOUR HEPL!.  my derange  mother is ded as a damn dog  and recently My Beloved Dad join his ancestors though the hand of his wicked brother who call him self my uncle but has turn to be a lion over night to me.!!!

my father before death was a chairman of hospitol for the mental fools. He put me through school!/ but i stop school after his dead because uncle decided to poison me just for nothing sake,?. As am writing you now, me brain drowning !!and all my hope and dream of future was shartered and spread to the sky!!!

My father has with the bank USD 7.5MILLION DOLLARS, and i don’t know about this.  it was on the 10th of october last year that our family asia lawyer from china town kindly hand over to me the documents .Meanwhile i don’t know what actually what to do with this money here because my life is in danger and with sharted brain and life, o help! white sire!!

Please it is a long story that if i start to narrate now, you will be shedding tears over there but i will give you more details in your next mail please kindly bear in mind that i need you to help me out of this . and I need to start a new life with you. Now.

Dear Please . Thanks once again and hello to your blessed family.

 

Fondly,

K Adomi

 

IraqPsychCSchneidNS0001-2  this mine eyes now after the poison hit !no w you see the serious

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PLES HElp!!! Desert Mis$$hion need Accomplishs!! http://killallcomedy.com/ples-help-desert-mishion-need-accomplishs/ Wed, 17 Jul 2013 16:55:12 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2483 DEEERone,

My name is Sgt Lonliy Pepper, I am  Americas soldier with   very white Swiss backgrounds, serving in themilitary the army’s 3rd infatry d. /With a very desperate need for assistance. I have summed up courage to contact you I found your <M.contact particulars in an address journal online.!! I am seeking your kind assistance to move the sum of ( $ 35 million u.s. dollars ) Thirty Five million united these states dollars to you, as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe! in your CARE until I complete my service here, this isNO stolen money, and there are no danger involved?/. ONE PASSIO N APPEAL I WILL MAKE IS YOU NOT TO DISCUSS THIS MATTER WITH ANYONE PERSON!, SHOULD YOU have rejections to this offer polease pleaseplease destroy this message as leakage of it will be too bad so sad for US here in IRAG!!!!!!!

Source of money: Some money in various currencies was discovered in barrels at afarmhouse near one of Saddam’s old palaces in Tikrit  it was agreed by staff Sgt slaughter h buff and I for this ?p money be shared among both of us before INforming anybody about it since both of us were finders keeprers. This was quite an illegal thing to- do, but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risk we have taken with /our lives in this hell hole!.!!! Of which my thieving brother in-law was killed by a road side bomb last week. No warnings from these dogs here in the sun-most viscious creature people of the east. I have seen the carnage uf women bein thrown into an undergrown hole in the ground oONLY to be have their mouths sewn shut to muffle their cries in the night!! imagine the lulubye of children throat sliced much like balonie and  bread.!?>

friend I^ was able to get the monies out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. sadaam does not know the real contents of the package,!!!! and believes that it belongs to a brithish= poossy doctor who died in a raid here in Iraq, and before giving up, trusted me to hand over the package to his family in this a@ united states. I have now found a much secured animlistic way of getting the package out of Iraq to your country for you to pick up,

I want you to tell me how much you will take from this money for the assistance you will give to me. I do not know how long we will remain here, and i have been shot, now wounded and survived two bawdy suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God!!!!!! this and tehese other reasons i will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help, i honestly want this matter to be resolvedNOW no delay!

Pray lord Lamb ofGod for me!!!!! responde svp immediately! faster u do the faster the mongrels in the sand die by me hands

Srgt

Bondad-Army-Photo

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You’ve just received a fax from 3125558745 http://killallcomedy.com/youve-just-received-a-fax-from-3125558745/ Tue, 11 Jun 2013 20:14:13 +0000 http://killallcomedy.com/?p=2307 pass

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